He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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