So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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