put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
