We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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