we're chasing vodka with high fives
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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