I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
