i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
