I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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