Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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