mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
