dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
