I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
