i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
