WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
