It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
