I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
