I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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