she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize