I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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