its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
