Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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