I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize