Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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