yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
