Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
