i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
