On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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