apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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