The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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