Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize