my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
