Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
