Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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