Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
