to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
