So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
