i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just blew my weed a kiss
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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