his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
