Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Is it because I queefed?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
