I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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