And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
