I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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