I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
