I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
