We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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