The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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