I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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