Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize