If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
