Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
