oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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