My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
