just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am one with the molecules
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My vagina is very pro this idea
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
