so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
