you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
