haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize