We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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