She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
