I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
