Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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