pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
