All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
