those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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