Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
