Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
