I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
