I'm eating all of the evidence.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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