last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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