How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dicks are not precious.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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