Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
