i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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