There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
