I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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