Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
