I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize