she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
