He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
