too bad you live with your parents still
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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