i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
