dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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