why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
