I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
