i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
