I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
