and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do you remember whose house we're in?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
