I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
