At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is classic penis vs brain.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
