discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
