dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
