I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
