I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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