brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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