I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
