he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
