Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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