He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
