what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
