Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
