Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
