I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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