Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
