Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
